


never leave you alone

by dearevanheatherton



Series: invisible string [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Season/Series 04, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29236656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearevanheatherton/pseuds/dearevanheatherton
Summary: Spencer felt a distinct lack of the rise and fall of his chest as he watched the news in horror, the words “bomb” and “black SUV” echoing in his brain, blurring his thoughts. He choked, looking over towards Rossi dialing buttons, telling Garcia to reach the team. But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t move.His team. His family. Hurt. And he couldn’t even make himself move.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Series: invisible string [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154705
Comments: 15
Kudos: 126





	never leave you alone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! It's been awhile since I published a work on here. I am not really active in any of my old fandoms. I was much younger than I am now when I published those, but now, I am here, and I would love to become active in the Criminal Minds fandom! This is a show very near and dear to my heart, and these are my two favorite characters whose relationship, despite an age gap, deserves a lot more hype and recognition. This is based of season 4, episode 1, where Hotch's SUV explodes. Spencer and Aaron are in an established relationship in this fic, obviously altering some things from the original show. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Based on Mine by taylorrrrrrr

Breathe.

Breathe.

Spencer felt a distinct lack of the rise and fall of his chest as he watched the news in horror, the words “bomb” and “black SUV” echoing in his brain, blurring his thoughts. He choked, looking over towards Rossi dialing buttons, telling Garcia to reach the team. But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t move.

His team. His family. Hurt. And he couldn’t even make himself move.

 _Weak. Pathetic._ The words reverberated in his head. How could he stand here, safe, and not make himself do anything when one of his team members, his _friends_ , are hurt, or dying, or dead? Reid grabbed his hands with both hands, keening softly as he realized that death was a possibility. He felt a lone tear drip down his face, too overwhelmed to even cry properly.

Rossi, although he was distracted, looked over at the younger agent with a look of empathy, and placed a steady hand on his shoulder. Reid managed to look up at the other agent, grateful that at least he knew him and Garcia were safe.

As they waited for Garcia to call back, both of them now sitting in silence, Spencer anxiously thought about who could be hurt.

Was it Derek, his best friend and brother? Who had held him when he cried more than once, who teased him but made it his mission to make sure nobody would hurt him?

JJ? His best friend, who was going to bring a new life into this world, who always made him feel protected?

Emily, who he bonded with languages over, who continued to challenge him to be a better version of himself? He couldn’t get an image of her hitting the pavement, unable to move, out of his head.

His breath hitched when he thought of Aaron. Their leader. A father, a friend.

His lover.

He held back a sob as he thought about the only man who he had ever loved, screaming in pain in the street, disoriented and crying for help.

Guilt flashed through his mind as he remembered their last conversation before they went their separate ways. An argument, Spencer releasing the jealousy that had been building ever since he first saw how Aaron and Kate interacted, how _perfect_ and _open_ they could be together. He and Aaron couldn’t have that, at least not then. Fraternization rules and the homophobia that still reeked from every sector of the FBI made sure of that.

He thought about the hurt look that flashed across Aaron’s face as Spencer accused him of wanting her. Of wanting an easy, heterosexual relationship instead of the sneaking and new experiences of being with a man for the first time.

He thought back on how Aaron’s face shut down after that quick flash of hurt. How he calmly denied Spencer’s claims that he wanted someone else, and how he looked at him firmly and insisted that they would talk when he got back. That they had a job to do.

He thought about how it felt like his heart stopped beating as Hotch and Kate walked away, smiling at each other. About how he knew he was being irrational, how he had been consistently reminded of Aaron’s desire and love for him, but that he couldn’t shake his own insecurities.

_Please not him. Not him. I need him._

Spencer needed him. Needed to tell him he was sorry. To hold him, to kiss him, to tell the whole world he loved Aaron Hotchner, more than he loved reading, or thinking, or breathing. _He loved Aaron Hotchner._

As he got up and stood in front of the board, determined to find a way to help, or create a damn way if he couldn’t find one, Emily and JJ rushed in the station, Emily and Garcia confirming Morgan’s safety, and although he was relieved they were okay, he felt a sinking feeling as he realized that his partner was the only one who wasn’t accounted for. He was unable to breathe as he listened to Garcia frantically explain that the bomb was under Kate’s SUV, that Aaron seemed to not be too wounded, but that they were losing Kate quickly.

His heart beat quicker, realizing how short and insulting he had been to the woman, and although he couldn’t have known that she would be losing her life this quickly, and that it logically wasn’t his fault, his mind was already trying to come up with ways to beg Aaron for forgiveness for a death he hadn’t caused.

The eventual knowledge that Aaron was not too scathed calmed him minutely, but he couldn’t shake the horrible feeling settling in his stomach, nor could he calm the worry drifting around his head as he thought about the traumatic effects of this event on his lover.

As the moments passed, Spencer turned back to the board and, feeling a new invigoration, he started looking at the attacks from a different angle. Why would they target a single SUV? They had not delivered on the death tarot card that they had been leaving behind at the scenes. So far, Kate was holding on, and Hotch wasn’t mortally wounded. They should have targeted a more well-populated area.

The team gathered around the computers with the bomber covering the screens, and as much as Reid wanted to just punch the screen, reach through and strangle him, he knew he was dead. As he focused back in on the conversation, he and Rossi made the observation that all of these attacks, including Hotch and Kate’s, were diversions.

The next 30 minutes were a blur. As they rushed to St. Barclay’s, Spencer focused on keeping his breathing steady. Aaron needed him more than ever, and he couldn’t fail him. Not now.

As they arrived at the hospital, Morgan informed them that Hotch had acute damage to his right ear, and that the doctor had pulled shrapnel from his leg, but that otherwise, he was alright. It felt good to have concrete knowledge that his partner was safe.

As Hotch exited the room they had been examining him in, Spencer felt a rush of air exit his body.

Despite the injuries he’d suffered, Hotch still looked every bit the leader that their team desperately needed. His dark hair was slightly mussed, he had scars on his face from the blast, and he walked with a limp that he was desperately trying to cover up.

Spencer had never seen something so beautiful.

He resisted the urge to run over to Aaron, and he stood, silently begging his lover to look over at him. Hotch had his shoulders tensed, his gaze frantic as the team surrounded him, looking for his leadership. When Reid finally caught his eye, Hotch’s eyes calmed slightly, becoming soft at the sight of Spencer. Reid softened, too, when he realized that yes, they were okay.

They would be okay.

The next minutes were a blur of information and adrenaline, learning that the hospital was the true target of the terror cell, and that Morgan, his best friend, his brother, was currently driving a ticking time bomb out of the hospital.

They came upon the man who drove Hotch into the hospital, sitting on the ground with a cellphone in his hand. They trained their guns on him, but the terrorist took matters into his own hands.

Spencer watched as Aaron leaned down and slightly stumbled back. He reached out to steady his partner, but Aaron just straightened and started walking swiftly upstairs. Spencer looked confusedly at his retreating figure, slightly hurting that Hotch hadn’t even bothered to look at him when he had touched him. Still, Reid followed him upstairs. He couldn’t let Hotch leave him, give their relationship up, without a fight. He knew he messed up during that argument, but he would spend every moment begging Aaron to forgive him if it meant they stayed together.

However, as Spencer followed him from far behind, he was surprised to see Aaron in a room with a sheet over a body. Spencer’s own brain smarted as he realized that it was Kate lying under that body. He looked at Aaron, who had a blank look on his face as he realized his friend was dead. But, when his eyes met Spencer’s, his face crumbled, and Reid hurried towards him, throwing his arms around Hotch, right as Hotch started dry-heaving into his chest.

At that moment, Reid put all his energy into holding Hotch. Nothing else. Spencer ignored the whispers in the back of his head saying their relationship was over, he ignored the doctors standing around the hospital, and he ignored his own shaking. All that mattered was that Aaron _needed_ someone, needed him, to hold him, to take away the guilt and pain that he was sure to be feeling after his friend’s death.

Hotch didn’t lose it often. He was solid, the force holding the team together. He offered advice, lax therapy sessions, stern words, and sometimes, a warm embrace, but he was never the one to break down.

Spencer ignored the eyes around them, knowing he had to offer Aaron this support now, or he would never feel like he could be vulnerable again. He rubbed his hands down Aaron’s back and just held him for a minute, until he could feel Aaron’s breath stop hitching, and then he felt the older man lean back.

“Thank you,” the dark haired man’s hoarse voice spoke, a small twitch happening on his lips as he glanced at Spencer. The younger man smiled back, reaching out and grabbing his hand, brushing a thumb over the strong hand that was now in his embrace.

“Always,” he whispered, his voice cracking. Aaron stared at the embrace their hands were in, and he brushed his thumb back over Spencer’s before looking back at his face.

“Take me to the hotel? I’m afraid that I’m not, well, exactly in the right condition to drive,” he attempted to chuckle.

Spencer simply nodded, wondering how he had gotten so lucky. They walked out the doors and to the SUVs that had been haphazardly parked around the hospital. They greeted the team, who was already outside, and explained they were going back to the hotel. Climbing in the black SUV warily, they were in a comfortable silence as they drove back. It wasn’t until they got to the hotel room, that Spencer felt a build up of the adrenaline, fear, and passion he had felt over the day, and as soon as the door shut, he jumped his lover.

His lips crushed against the other man’s, causing Aaron to grunt slightly as Spencer’s hands grabbed his head and pulled him closer. However, the older man reacted quickly, wrapping his hands around his slender waist and regaining control. The kiss was bruising, showcasing the hurt and anguish and fear and love that had occurred that day. It continued that way for a bit, until the two men finally had to break apart for air. As their lips parted, their foreheads leaned against each other’s, and, looking into the other’s eyes, Spencer could feel tears welling up.

“I thought you were dead, I-I thought I lost you and the last words you would ever hear from me were jealous and angry. I thought I lost you for-” Spencer choked, the tears flowing freely now, his hands clamping to Aaron’s shoulders, where they had moved during their session.

“Never.” Aaron shook his head with a certain seriousness. “Spencer, you will never lose me. Not over a petty argument like that, not because of the job, not ever. _I love you_ , and if I have to spend every day of my life proving that I will not leave, then I will prove that to you every day. I promise.” Spencer’s breath caught as he realized the truthfulness of those words.

“Are you sure?” He whispered, a single tear still travelling down his face. Aaron simply smiled at him, and, disconnecting their foreheads, reached a hand up and wiped his face of the water.

“You’re it for me,” Aaron whispered back, his smile softening at the shine in his lover’s eyes. He wrapped his arms back around Spencer’s waist, and as he was dragged onto the bed, Spencer collapsed into his partner’s arms, the stress of the day finally wearing their bodies down. As they lay in their work clothes, simply basking in the safety and warmth of the other’s presence, Spencer suddenly looked up from where his head was buried in Aaron’s chest.

“You love me?” He murmured, grinning up at the dark-haired man drowsily. He couldn’t really believe it.

However, Aaron simply smiled back, and, leaning down towards Spencer’s ear he whispered softly.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my story! If you did, please leave a kudos or a comment below on what you'd like to see next! Thanks for reading:)


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